Adoption for same sex parents are less costly than the alternative - By Angela Oaks

by News Editor
in Blog
on 28 April 2016
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I recently met a woman who was the non-bio mom for a five year old.  She and bio-mom had been partners for 12 years (11 of those years pre-Obergefell.) and suddenly bio-mom decides the relationship is over and asks non-bio mom to move out – and leave the child behind.

My heart is breaking for non-bio mom because she is in danger of losing her access to her 5 year old – if bio mom refuses to allow child to see non-bio mom, non-bio mom is just out of luck until she can get into a courtroom.  And because they were never married, there are limited options to establish standing (the ability to bring suit – a topic for another blog posting, another day) which may keep her out of a courtroom altogether.

But what upsets me the most is that non-bio mom could have adopted this child when the child was born, and established legal rights for all eternity.  Same sex adoption is EASY compared to establishing standing for the non-bio parent who has been cut out of the child’s life.  Same sex adoption is CHEAP compared to the cost of a protracted custody battle. 

If you are asking “should I get an adoption?” the answer is YES, always yes, complete an adoption. Don’t rely on the bio-parent’s promises to continue to give you access – relationships end, people die, and non-bio parents have a difficult legal battle if they are not properly protected with an adoption or equivalent legal rights.

Let me put it another way: by not spending $5K to $10K on an adoption five years ago, non-bio mom is now looking at spending $25K to $100K in a custody battle, assuming she can even establish standing. 

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